Kill 'Em Dead el Tigre

6:45 a.m. A sight I haven't seen in a very long time. It's almost like we have mutual hate for each other. I get up, away from my dreams of hawt babes, and it has another turd awake in its time of trying to start the day time cycle. I took the CRC thing today, and by god, I'ma genius. Not really though. I did ok. I've been looking back at a lot of local bands around Nashville recently. Everytime I do, it just makes me wonder more and more, what if? I'm so tired of letting my vagina getting in the way of pursuing my dreams. I was right in the middle of it all, even lived with a house full of great musicians, but somehow always found an alibi or a 40 not to go ahead and try to be something. anything. I know this is stereotypical whiny dream chasing bullshit, but it's true. Who knows what could of came of it if I had tried my hand in the music world, but that is something now that I will never know the answer to. To even try and fail would beat the hell out of the uncertainty always swimming around in my turbulent thoughts. I wanna start trying, balls out, cleanly shaved, without shame. I have to. I always thought something would come along or fall into place where I could somehow be employed in the music industry. That's what I've been doing all my life. Thinking, not acting. It's an honest fear of mine that I have let the opportunities slip from my grasp for good. Now, I hope to get employed working full time, not going to school, and living with my brother-in-law and sister. Not exactly what I had in mind heading off to a prestigious college a year and a half ago. So here it is, whatever happens now has to be my choice, my actions will ensue my opportunities, and I finally see that I can't sit back and wait anymore. Yesterday I was 18, pumped about moving to college, pumped about breezing through courses and becoming successful without and sort of effort. Today, I'm 20, dropped out, and pursuing a job that has absolutely no interest to me or what I have dreamed of. Tomorrow, who knows what/where/who I'll be. One thing is for sure, my actions, not my passiveness, will be the one who gets me there. Stay stinky.

-Critter