Moods

I never thought of life with having no friends to be with. I've been fortunate all of my life to have atleast a few close ones around. Until now. I knew by moving here I was forfeiting many things in my life, but this concept never really crossed my mind for some reason. I have always thought of myself as a individually happy person, but until now, I never knew how much of an effect friends had on the individual me. We all like to have our alone time once in a while. But what I think makes that so satisfying is having the assurance of being able to go back and be with your friends once you've had your self-fill. I don't have that anymore. And its starting to erode my peace of mind. Until now, I've kept a great outlook on things that have happened in past months, just looking past the past and trying to strive onto what may become of my life. I think we all do this to most things. But we also have people to help us along the way, in our stationary times of our life, where we feel stuck before moving on to the next step. I feel I've lost this feeling. This might be a little emo for yal, but hey, bear with me. Don't get me wrong, my sister and brother in law are great to me, and I've become best friends with a 15 month year old nephew. But its not the same. We all have a mutual love for each other, because we are family, but the piece of the puzzle that friends complete, seems to have been lost. With no one around to call an actual friends, my age, into the same things I am, I feel I'm becoming aged, alone, and too keen on the feelings of misfortune. I wish so much I could be where I am supposed to be. Maybe this is it, but my doubts are high. At this moment, my brother-in-laws family is here eating dinner with everyone in the kitchen. And I'm in my room listening to music, blogging, like a doucher. I just can't seem to get myself up and put on my mask of happiness and gratefulness right now to make my way in and pretend to be alright with my life at this moment. I want peace like I've had. But once again, it seems another war has been waged inside of me. I trust God, and pray to him, but doubts of me, just a mortal man, somehow seem more overpowering at times like these. Cherish friends. Think of what it could be without them. I know I took them for granted for way too long. I haven't lost faith. Yet. And I still am looking for something good to come out of this. But for now, overbearance of emotions having no home are taking me to be like I am. Love your friends. And enjoy your day.

Love,
Critter.